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AJ's Desktop Themes
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AJ's Desktop Themes (AJ Russo)(1996).ISO
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doors_2
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humor50.exe
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HUMOR50.DOC
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1994-03-21
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9KB
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188 lines
HUMOR 50
Tim RIley, 1994
=========================
SECTIONS:
I ------------- What in the world have you decompressed?
II ------------- SHAREWARE stuff.
III ------------- How to use this and have a blast!
IV ------------- All the files you should have & what they do.
V ------------- Technical stuff, databases format.
VI ------------- Yet another plea to register....
VII ------------- Final note, and goodbye. ;(
==============================================================================
SECTION I
===========
HUMOR 50 is a file showing program. It houses 50 humorous text files
from various sources. The files were almost forgotten in a dark corner of my
hard drive. Then out a desperate attempt to cheer myself up, I found them...
I scanned over 100's, and think these 50 are the best. I admit, 30 or so are
better than the rest, but I thought variety would be nice for everyone.
I know you have seen at least one of these files somewhere. They are
not new by any means. Each was written and submitted to the public as FREE-
WARE. THey may be given out, but not sold. The SHAREWARE part of HUMOR 50
is everything but the actual text files. By the way, the files are stored so
I could access them better... More on that in a bit.....
Share these funny files with friends and family (even though some are
not family material.....) Copy and distribute HUMOR 50 to everyone!
SECTION II
=============
HUMOR 50 is a SHAREWARE program.... You are asked to promptly send a
donation if you choose to use HUMOR 50. Besides, a little contribution will
help me design more things for everyone to enjoy. I know many do not like to
register their SHAREWARE. SHAME ON YOU! <GRIN>... But please consider all
the work programmers put into these types of programs.... Its YOU that helps
them make your favorite games, or utilities. Without support, you wouldn't
have half the software on your hard drive....
DIGGERS! BBS
Tim RIley
P.O. Box 814
Prineville, Ore
97754-0814
Please specify what program you are registering........ Thank you!
SECTION III
=============
Using this program is easy... Just make sure all archived files are
in the default (current) directory. Then type: HUMOR and BOOM! your on your
way to the most harlarious time of your life! After reading the SHAREWARE
notice and pressing a key from the welcome screen, you will see a list of 50
options. All you have to do is pick one and type in the number. Like: 45
Press [ENTER] and the data search will start. Your choice will be displayed
in seconds. You may hit any key to continue reading, or press ESC to return
to the 50 options [list]. Simple? Yup... When you want to EXIT, just press
[ENTER] instead of making an option. Easier yet.... Turn the power off! <G>
SECTION IV
=============
Here is a list and description of all the files......
HUMOR.EXE - The actual program HUMOR 50.
HUMOR1.NTF - Text database, files 1-25.
HUMOR2.NTF - Text database, files 25-50.
HUMORS.DAT - The screen displayed with 50 options. (ASCII)
HUMOR50.DOC - Your reading it!
OPENING.DAT - Really a .COM file renamed. It is called this
so people don't run it instead if HUMOR.EXE.
HUMOR renames it when running........
There might be an added BBS plug TXT file........
SECTION V
===========
How many of you just skipped to this section? <GRIN> Here I will
tell you more technical mumbo-jumbo.... It might be boring to some, so just
go on to section 6.....
THe humor program uses the 80/20 software NULL format. Thus the names
.NTF as an extension. NULL TEXT FILE.... THe databases are strait ASCII text
before every string of information and after is a NULL character. To identify
individual files I added the ~~BASE## and ~~END## headers and footers. Where
the '##' is the file number. So, ~~BASE46 is the start of the humor file
on Electricity. There are no LFs or CR's....
To convert these files back to individual DOS ASCII text files, I
would suggest reading in until a ~~BASE keyword, then opening a file with the
number extension... Example: HUMOR.46 Later you could rename it to the
proper Electric.txt...... Each byte read would form a string on a single line
until a NULL character was read. Then a LF and CR would be issued. This
process would be repeated until the ~~END keyword was hit. Then the file
would be closed and you have it written to disc. Cycle until 50 files made.
IF YOU REGISTER AND REQUEST A UTILITY TO DO THIS, I WILL SEND YOU ONE!!!!!!!!
OR IF YOU WOULD LIKE THE TEXT FILES SENT TO YOU?
Just a note.... None of the files in HUMOR 50 have been altered in
anyway from the originals from my hard drive. IF they were previously, before
I got them, then I am not responsible for any rewrites or changed text.
Back to the files.... OPENING.DAT is really a COM file named O.COM.
all you need to do to 'play' with it is to copy it elsewhere and rename it.
or you could: COPY C:\HUMOR\OPENING.DAT A:\O.COM..... Either would work
okay.... It was made in THEDRAW and save as a COM file there. (quick'n easy)
The HUMORS.DAT is just a plain TEXT file that is shown containing the
50 choices. I was going to just parse this into memory and be done wit it,
but that would have taken over 2100 more bytes. And I know how you people
hate to have a program that says: "NOT ENOUGH MEMORY" or "OUT OF MEMORY". then
the smart-iliac programmer leaves a note like: "REMOVE ANY TSR OR DEVICE
DRIVERS AND REBOOT"... I don't know about you, but in all cases I NEED those
installed..... <GRIN>... So I tried to make HUMOR.EXE as small as I could.
I will compress HUMOR.EXE with LZEXE to reduce its storage space.
Even though I should use PKLITE, I have found LZEXE to have better compression
in K. Wanna know why? After all, I use LZEXE from 91 and PKLITE is from 93.
It doesn't add up??? LZEXE is made for EXEs, where PKLITE handles both the
EXE and COMs.... So LZEXE doesn't have unnessary routens.....
SECTION VI
===========
Blaa Blaa Blaa.... I am not responsible for any damage Blahhh blahh
or injury (huh?) that may result in use of this Humm dee humm, blahhh laaaaa
program. Expressed or implied (ever wonder what that means?)... Well, I mean
is a person saying "I am sorry I didn't cause the damage, Federal Express did
or, by word of mouth..." HA HA HA HA HA HA Yes, I kill myself! That's
ALF there.
Once registered, you may use HUMOR50 on a single machine with one (1)
copy for backup purposes only. For an unlimited time OR UNTIL:
11:59:59 pm 12-31-1999 <HE HE HE>
HAR TEE HAR HAR This is when we all fall pray to the computer dealers
who have designed every stinking machine to totally become handicapped. Why?
boy you sure ask that a lot... Well, think about it.... YOUR CLOCK CAN NOT
GO PAST THAT TIME!!!! Sad fact.... IBM must think GOD will visit and then
judgment day will prevail RIGHT AT 11:59:59pm ON DECEMBER 31ST 1999! They are
hoping he will save their butts before the angry mobs start forming around
them for revenge on their NASTY JOKE!!!! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
Now that I scared you...... Please register HUMOR50. If it goes as
well as I am hoping, I will write a version II... Maybe make dozens, all
specialized for a certain topic! All it takes is a few min. and you feel
better, then I will send you a registered version. ANY BUGS OR HELP WOULD
ALSO BE appreciated from you..... Thanks again!!!
SECTION VII
============
I have written many other programs.... Most TWARE (FREEWARE). You
might remember MODEZ, or CURZ, or SMORE, DEZIP, DEARJ, DELZH, OSIS, GOODUTIL,
TRPARK, DIGFO, the 'NO' utils, PAUSES, MRCOM...... ETC.......
OOPS, got a bit carried away there..... Anyway...... DIGGERS! BBS
houses all of them, all waiting for the right person to come and investigate
them.... (plug) 1-503-447-6956 BBS line... 14.4K .....
Well, better go and revise last min things...... Hope you enjoy the
HUMOR involved in this DOCument and in the HUMOR50 program! Future version
could include auto-extraction to preformatted files and direction to your
printers..... If I really get creative, I might add another 100 files to the
program and include a scrolling menu...... We will see.
- Tim RIley 94 -
========================================
HUMOR50 copyright (C) 1994, Tim RIley.